


The way I loved you

by black_wings



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Misunderstandings, Octavia Ships It, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7256017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_wings/pseuds/black_wings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellarke one-shot based on the song The way I loved you by Taylor Swift</p><p>or the one where Bellamy and Clarke break up and Octavia gives them a little push in the right direction</p>
            </blockquote>





	The way I loved you

Clarke is fine. She is, okay?

Yes, she and Bellamy, her two-year boyfriend, broke up. But that was like four months ago. She’s had enough time to heal and to get over it, to get over him.

Besides, she's dating a new guy, Finn Collins. And he's sweet and funny and understanding and nothing like Bellamy.

Bellamy was all fire and passion. Things with him had never been easy. Far from it, actually. They argued half the time, threw insults at each other and bickered over the most insignificant things.

The thing is, in spite of all of that, he loved her and she loved him. They were crazy about each other. Octavia, one of Clarke’s best friends and Bellamy’s little sister, was always complaining how they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves when they were together.

Clarke had never in her entire life felt for anyone what she felt for Bellamy. At one point she had even thought he was the one.

And then they had _the fight_. In truth, it had all been one big misunderstanding coupled with old insecurities. Clarke can admit it now. And she knows that if they had talked instead of screamed, if they had been thinking with their brains and not their hearts, if they hadn’t let emotions get the best of them in that moment, they could’ve worked things out.

The if’s and possibilities don’t matter though. It happened the way it did and it was done. They were done.

What hurts Clarke the most is the certainty that if things had played out differently, they would still be together, they would still be happy.

But they aren’t. Together that is. Because she is happy.

She’s with Finn now. She has him. And no, she doesn’t feel for him what she felt for Bellamy but maybe in time they’ll get there.

So she is totally and completely fine.

 

* * *

 

When she and Bellamy ended things, she had to move back in with her mom. Which sucked but she didn’t have any other choice.

Three years ago, Clarke’s dad died.

It was late at night. He had just left the office and was driving to his apartment when Clarke’s mom had called him.

Abby and Jake had been divorced for five years. They’d gone to trial and battled for custody over Clarke. In the end, Clarke ended up staying with her mom and spending the weekends with her dad.

It had been five years and Abby had been the one to ask for the divorce so it hadn’t really come off as a surprise to Jake when Abby announced she was dating another person and was going to move in with him.

What had caught him off guard however was the fact that the other guy lived in another state and that Abby was planning to take Clarke with her.

The discussion that followed prevented Jake from noticing the truck heading his way. When he did notice it, it was too late.

Later, Clarke and Abby were informed that both Jake and the truck’s drunk driver had died instantly due to the impact.

Clarke blamed Abby for the accident. If she had waited and hadn’t called while her dad had been driving, if she hadn’t been so selfish and concerned with her own happiness…

It’s needless to say that it put a strain on their relationship.

When Abby moved in with Kane two months later, Clarke stayed and moved in with Octavia.

That was actually how she and Bellamy met.

Octavia had told her that she could move in with her but had conveniently forgotten to tell Clarke that she lived with her older brother.

Thankfully Bellamy hadn’t minded too much and he got used to having Clarke around.

Less than a year later he made the first move.

 

* * *

 

Clarke is going out with Finn tonight. He’s coming to pick her up at eight.

And when Clarke says eight, she means eight.

If there’s one thing Finn is, that’s punctual, extremely so.

At eight o’clock the doorbell rings.

Before Clarke can even get the chance to get up from the couch, her mom is already opening the door.

“Finn, it’s so nice to see you,” she says as a way of greeting, smiling and kissing both his cheeks.

“You too, Mrs. Griffin,” he answers in kind.

And Clarke would prefer it if she thought he was just saying it to look good or because he’s nice. But no. She knows he probably means it, because he and Abby get along, they’re kind of close as weird as that sounds.

She makes her way to the door. “Hey, Finn.”

His smile widens when he sees her. She wishes she could say it made her heart jump.

“Clarke, hi.”

He kisses her cheek. Bellamy would have kissed her lips.

“Let’s go.” She says, not even sparing her mom a glance.

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Griffin, I won’t bring her home late.”

Her mom laughs. “I know.”

And she doesn’t correct him. _Mrs._ Griffin. Not anymore. Not since a long time ago.

The door closes behind them and he’s by her side a second later.

She hears him sigh and knows what’s coming.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that. I don’t know what happened between you two, but she doesn’t deserve–”

She cuts in before he can finish. “You’re right. You _don’t_ know. So don’t talk about what she does and doesn’t deserve as if you did.”

He doesn’t say anything to that and she wasn’t expecting him to.

They rarely ever argue. And when they do, he usually lets her win, even if he doesn’t agree.

He opens the door for her but before she can get in he leans down and whispers in her ear, “You look beautiful,” right before he kisses her.

And kissing him is nice. It’s not the kind of kiss that leaves you breathless. It’s quite the opposite actually. It’s soft and sweet and innocent. And even though it lacks in passion, it’s nice.

 

* * *

 

Octavia calls her for the fifth time today. 

She hasn’t answered any of her previous calls.

It’s Jake’s death anniversary.

She spent all the other three with Bellamy.

He let her cry on his shoulder, let her soap his shirt with tears and never once did he complain. He didn’t tell her it would be okay, that with time it wouldn’t hurt as much. He’d lost his mother. He knew the truth. He knew how meaningless those words were.

It hits her harder than she thought it would, not having him here.

Octavia calls again.

This time she picks up.

“Octavia, it’s really not a good time. I just want to be alone. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

She hates the way her voice breaks on the last word.

“ _No! Clarke, wait. Where are you?_ ”

“What?”

“ _Where are you? We stopped by your house but your mom said you weren’t there._ ”

She couldn’t speak. They were here. They had driven one state over just to see her, to be there for her.

“ _Clarke?_ ”

Her voice was clogged with tears. “I’m– I’m at a hotel. I didn’t– I couldn’t spend the day there, with her and Kane. I just–”

“ _I know. Just send me the address and I’ll be right there_.”

“Bellamy?”

“ _He drove us here. He’ll stay somewhere else. You don’t have to worry, Clarke. He won’t bother you. He knows how hard today is for you and just doesn’t want you to be alone_.”

The answer just makes her cry harder. “Okay.”

Bellamy stays true to his word. She doesn’t see him. But knowing he was near, that he came for her, that he still cared… It helped.

 

* * *

 

Finn texts her a few days later. 

_Why haven’t you been answering any of my calls?_

_Your mom told me you haven’t been home for a couple of days_.

_Is everything okay? Are you okay?_

Clarke sighs as she reads his texts.

Octavia and Bellamy left the day before.

She is going back to the house today.

_I’m going back today._

_That’s good._

_Why did you leave in the first place though?_  

She figures she’ll have to tell him sooner or later.

 _It was my dad’s death anniversary_.

 _What??_

_I don’t understand._

_Kane?_  

 _He’s my step dad_.

 _Oh._

_I didn’t know._

_I’m sorry._  

 _Yeah_.

They don’t talk for a few days.

Then he asks her on another date. They go to dinner. Then they go to the movies. They take a walk in the park. After that, he takes her home.

They don’t talk about it.

In fact, he never mentions it again.

 

* * *

 

Octavia calls her again two weeks later.

“ _Clarke!_ ”

“Hey,” she answers with a smile.

They haven’t talked for a few days with how busy they both have been and she hasn’t seen her since she went back home.

“ _I miss you_ ,” the other girl complains. “ _It’s not fair. We used to see each other every day. We_ lived _together._ ”

“I know. I miss you too.” And she does.

“ _Listen, my brother will be gone next week–”_

“Why? Did something happen? Is everything okay?”

The words are out of her mouth before she realizes it. And when she does… Well it’s not like she can take them back. And it’s not like she doesn’t mean them too.

There’s a pause and then, “ _Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. Bell just has to take care of some things. I’d tell you but he kind of asked me not to… But it’s nothing serious, really._ ”

She swallows past the sudden lump in her throat. “No. Yeah. It’s fine. I understand.”

“ _Anyway. He’ll be gone so it’s a great time for you to come and visit. You can stay here at the apartment with me, we’ll catch up, go out. It’ll be fun._ ”

She ignores the pang in her heart when Octavia suggests she stays at the apartment. It’s filled with memories. Granted not all of them are good ones but all of them are memories of Bellamy.

“Next week?”

“ _Yeah. Don’t tell me you have something better to do._ ”

“What could possibly be better than spending a whole week with your best friend?”

She hears Octavia laugh on the other side.

“I’ll talk with my mom but you can count me in.”

“ _Great. I can’t wait_.”

Clarke smiles and she doesn’t need to see her to know that Octavia is smiling too.

 

* * *

 

Three days before she’s supposed to join Octavia she and Finn go out again.

They go to a carnival. It’s fun. They have a good time.

Even so, she can’t help but remember the time she went to a carnival with Bellamy.

They rode almost everything in the whole park. He bought her popcorn and cotton candy and they shared an ice cream at the end.

She remembers the way the lights glowed, so softly but at the same time so bright.

She remembers the music playing in the background and she remembers singing a few of the songs with Bellamy.

She remembers laughing and smiling every time she looked at him.

And she means _really_ smiling. Not the way she does with Finn even though he doesn’t even notice the difference.

She remembers him kissing her at the top of the Ferris wheel.

She remembers him spending the entire night with his arm thrown over her shoulders and with her glued to his side.

Tonight with Finn was completely different.

But sometimes different means good, right?

And it was fun. They had a good time.

At least, they have a good time until he drops her off.

They’re standing by his car in the driveway of Kane’s house, him propped up against his car.

Finn has already insisted he could walk her to the door but she refused. She is perfectly capable of walking a few steps by herself.

“Thanks for tonight, Finn. It was really fun.”

She leans in and kisses him. Just as she pulls back and is about to turn around he grabs her hand and holds it between the two of his.

“I’m going to miss you, Clarke. Do you really have to go?” At her dull look he smiles ruefully and shakes his head. “I mean it’s a whole week. I’m just really going to miss you, you know?”

“Yeah.” She doesn’t. It’s just a week. And she thinks idly if it were with someone else, if it were with Octavia or Bellamy, if it would still be _just a week_.

He takes a deep breath. “Clarke, I think I’m in love with you.”

When she just stands there looking dumbly at him, he starts rubbing what he probably thinks are soothing circles on her hand and says, “I love you.”

Still, she doesn’t answer. She knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, but she was kind of hoping it would be later. _Much_ later.

The movement of his thumb stops. “Clarke?”

She shakes her head. “I know I’m supposed to say it back. And I know you’re probably expecting me to. I know, okay? But I can’t. I can’t lie to you and say things I don’t feel. I won’t do that. I’m not there yet. In all honesty I’m not sure if I’ll ever be. I wish I could say it back, though. I wish I could feel it too. You’re an incredible guy. You’re sweet and funny and sensible. You say all the right things. You’re like the perfect catch. Maybe just not for me.”

He drops her hand and smiles sadly. “It’s okay, Clarke. We can’t control our feelings. Life would be so much easier if we could, though. I hope you find the right guy and he better treat you well.”

She just told him she didn’t return his feelings and he’s not even bitter about it.

“You too, Finn. I know you’ll find a girl who’ll love you in the right way, the way you deserve to be loved. She’ll be super lucky to have you.”

“Yeah.” He leans down and kisses her cheek. “Goodbye, Clarke.”

Then he’s getting in the car and he’s gone.

They never talk again. Later, she wonders why she’s good enough to be his girlfriend but not his friend.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, as soon as she comes down for breakfast, the first thing her mom says to her is an incredulous, “You broke up with Finn?”

She rolls her eyes and doesn’t even bother asking how she found out. She’s not sure she wants to know.

“Yeah. Last night.”

Her mom gaps at her as if she had known but hadn’t believed it until Clarke confirmed it. “But. Why?”

“Because I didn’t love him. I was comfortable but I didn’t feel it.”

Her mom’s eyes soften as if she understood the feeling. Clarke doesn’t even want to go there.

Not even a second later though her eyes narrow.

“This has nothing to do with that Blake boy, has it?”

Clarke lets out an exasperated breath. “No.”

She ignores the way her heart jumps and skips a beat when her mom mentions Bellamy.

 

* * *

 

She calls Octavia the day before she leaves.

Octavia tells her she started seeing someone, a guy named Lincoln. And that he’s super attentive and sweet and perfect. Clarke laughs. She sounds like she’s in love.

And then Clarke says, “Finn and I broke up.”

There’s a beat of silence. “What?”

“Finn and I–”

Octavia shrieks, “Oh my god! Really?”

“Yes, Octavia, me and my boyfriend broke up.”

“Right. Right. Are you okay?”

She sighs. “Strangely, I am. It didn’t affect me the way it’s supposed to when you and your boyfriend end things.”

Octavia sounds way too cheerful. “Maybe it’s because he wasn’t the one and you two weren’t meant to be. Not the way you and my brother are.”

“Octavia. We’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah. You and I have. You two haven’t. That’s the problem. Don’t you see? You just have to talk to him, explain him what happened. He’ll apologize. And you two will make up and finally get together again. He's miserable,” and Clarke’s heart did _not_ lurch at that, “and I know deep down you’re too.”

“I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Bye. Love you.”

She hangs up before Octavia can reply.

 

* * *

 

That night, she lays awake unable to fall asleep and curses Octavia.

She curses Octavia for maybe being right.

Because the truth is it’s not thoughts of Finn that keep her awake. It’s not memories of them that haunt her every second of every day. It’s not his voice and his touch she dreams about at night and yearns and craves for during the day. It’s not Finn.

It’s never been Finn, not really. She wasn’t exactly lying when they first met and she told him there was no competition. Because there _wasn’t_ a competition, there had never been one. It had always been Bellamy. Even when Finn was there. Even when she left without looking back. Even when he let her go. Even when they fought and argued and screamed and hurt each other. It had _always_ been Bellamy. It still was, still is. She’s scared it always will be.

She knows they weren’t perfect. She knows their love wasn’t perfect. It was chaotic and wild and crazy and raw and more than a little desperate. But it was also real. And she had honestly thought it was forever.

And maybe it was but forever didn’t last as long as everyone thought it did.

Or maybe, just maybe, it hadn’t been the right time then. Maybe they hadn’t been truly ready for each other then. They had loved and needed and wanted and sacrificed but maybe not enough or maybe too much or maybe in the wrong way.

Perhaps this is their time. Now.

But for that to happen they had to talk and listen, to accept and forgive, to move on and put the past behind them.

They had to give themselves a fresh start.

They had to live the present and make the present as incredible as they both wanted it to be.

 

* * *

 

The next day, the sun is already setting by the time she finds herself standing by the door of Octavia’s apartment.

She knocks on the door.

She is fully prepared to admit to Octavia she still loves Bellamy and to beg her to help her get him back.

She is _not_ prepared for Bellamy to be the one who opens the door. She is definitely not prepared to come face to face with him.

And by the look on his face he isn’t either.

“What– What are you doing here?”

His voice is just the way she remembers it. She knows it’s usually gruff and sometimes harsh but it’s like he softens it just for her.

She swallows. “I came to spend the week with Octavia.” When his brows lower and his face scrunches up in confusion, she clarifies. “She told me you wouldn’t be here this week so I could come and spend it with her.”

He shakes his head and his eyes narrow in thought. “But she’s spending the week with Lincoln. Why would she–”

They both come to the same conclusion at the same time.

“She set us up.”

Clarke sighs. “I’ll call her.”

She does. Octavia doesn’t pick up, it goes straight to voice mail.

“ _You’ve reached Octavia Blake. At the moment I’m too busy to pick up or maybe I just don’t want to talk to you, so please leave a message after the beep._ ”

There’s a few seconds and then instead of the expected beep, Octavia’s voice continues.

“ _If this is either Clarke or Bell, please don’t bother with leaving a message until after you’ve worked things out._

“ _And Clarke don’t you dare go home without talking to him._

“ _Bellamy don’t you dare to let her go without listening to her, again._

“ _Also, please don’t kill me. I love you both._ ”

The beep sounds. Clarke hangs up.

She stares at Bellamy and he stares right back, both at loss of words or maybe they have too much to say and don’t know where to start.

He breaks the spell when he gets down to pick up her sleeping back.

“Look, I know you didn’t plan on staying with me but you just made the trip here and it’s already getting dark. Stay at least for tonight. I don’t want you driving tired and at night. If it makes you more comfortable, I can sleep somewhere else.”

“No. It’s your house. And you leaving doesn’t make me more comfortable.”

“Oh. Okay,” he says softly.

She tries to pretend her traitorous little bastard of a heart doesn’t start beating faster and faster as if he’s trying to jump out of her chest.

Bellamy goes inside. She follows him and locks the door behind her.

He sets her bag by the couch and turns to her.

“Can we talk? I know you’ve moved on and have a boyfriend and all that but I just can’t have you here and not work things out.”

He looks at her pleadingly as if he thinks she needs convincing.

“We broke up. The other guy and me. It was nothing serious. As much as it embarrasses me to admit, the reason I went out with him when he first asked me was because I couldn’t get you out of my head and it was driving me crazy.”

She hears his sharp intake of breath.

“I need you to know something,” she says now before she loses the nerve. “The letter you opened, the one that started the whole fight–”

“You mean the letter from the university across the country, the one you said you had no interest in going to?”

She doesn’t take the bait. “Yes, that one. It said I got in. I didn’t go there.” She barrels on before he has the chance to interrupt. “I didn’t go because I never wanted to study there. It was too far from here. Too far from you. I never even applied. My mom did. She’s the one who filled the application form and sent it there. She’s the reason I received that letter.”

He’s quiet for a moment, processing the information she just gave him.

Then he sits on the couch, his elbows in his knees and his head in his hands.

“So, you never did anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault. None of it. I’m the one who ruined us.”

She can’t stand how broken he sounds, how defeated.

She kneels in front of him, between his legs and grabs his hands.

When his eyes land on hers, she says, “It wasn’t your fault either. You were hurt and insecure. You lashed out. I understand. And you didn’t ruin anything.”

He makes a derisive noise in the back of his throat.

“Listen to me. You didn’t ruin anything. Maybe we just needed a little time apart to figure some stuff out. Maybe now we can pick up where we left off and build something even better.”

His eyes are so hopeful and at the same time so dejected. “I fucking missed you, princess.” And the way his voice breaks brings tears to her eyes.

“I fucking missed you too,” she replies, her voice rough.

She doesn’t know who moved first but suddenly his lips are on hers and she doesn’t care.

The kiss is messy much like their love his. It’s desperate and demanding, like they don’t know if they’ll get the chance to do it again.

And then something changes and it’s not hurried anymore. But what it lacks in bite, it makes up with passion.

It’s like they put into that kiss everything they didn’t get to say to each other when they broke up, everything they have been feeling in the past few months.

They break apart to get some air, their foreheads touching.

And then he whispers, “Don’t leave. Please, don’t go.”

“I won’t. I won’t, not ever.”

And he deflates against her, buries his head in her neck and breathes in. As if he was expecting her to say no. As if he was expecting her to come to her senses and change her mind.

“I love you. I never stopped. It has always been you. I want it to always be you.”

She feels wetness in her shoulder as she cards her hands through his hair.

“I love you too.” His answer is muffled but she knows it’s true, knows he means it.

She grabs his hands and gets up, pulling him to his feet along with her.

“It’s late. We’re both tired. Let’s get some sleep.”

He nods, grips her hand tighter. “Yeah.”

She leads him to his bedroom. Lies down on the bed and waits for him to join her.

A second later he’s lying behind her. She scoots back until her back is against his chest. Uses his arm as a pillow and he throws the other one carefully over her.

Surrounded by his smell and with his body curled around hers, it’s only a matter of seconds until she falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

The next day, they leave a message in Octavia’s voice mail.

 

* * *

 

Two years later, when Bellamy proposes, Clarke says yes.

Some people spend their whole lives looking for the one, for the right person, but they never find them. But when it’s real, it ends up happening no matter how long it takes. And when it’s real it’s worth the wait.

Clarke and Bellamy were lucky. They didn’t have to wait long. They found each other easily, even though their relationship was anything but.

They had problems and they had doubts and they had flaws. But the best people have them too. And the best relationships are filled with them.

The trick is to work together through everything and to never give up, not on the relationship and definitely not on each other.

They haven’t and they know they won’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it :)
> 
> Please leave a comment with your opinion and/or kudos if you did <3


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